he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
