i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
