True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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