I'm really into asian looking animals
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
