Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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