Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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