this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
