pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
