No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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