Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
