The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
