Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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