Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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