my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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