Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Life is so much better after having sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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