oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
