The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
