His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
