i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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