Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
