I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
