i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
