Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
