i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
