it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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