shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
