i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
