i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
