Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
