im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
