My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so let's talk penis.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
