I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
