i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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