Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
