i barfeds in our rink
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
