I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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