im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
