That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
vagina is talking i cant
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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