I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
