my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
