I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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