you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
