Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
