i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
