i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Couch. On fire.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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