When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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