so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
