Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
