omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
