It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
