i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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