You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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